Once upon a time is hardly the way to begin a story. irregular flow from 4khz on Vimeo.
Start in the middle of the action.She ran out of the house like a bat out of hell.
No, don't use cliched phrases like that.
She ran and sprinted, than galloped over the threshold to safety.
Too redundant. I think you should start again.The visuals have no substance either;
the trick is not to look anywhere in particular
And unfocus your eyes.
imo.