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HideThe Onion
Average Time Spent Being Happy Drops To 13 Seconds Per Day | The Onion - America's Finest News Sourc
onion.comBERKELEY, CA—A study published in the latest issue of the Journal Of Social Sciences revealed that the amount of time spent being happy has dropped to an all-time low of 13 nonconsecutive seconds per day.
Okay, folks, is this an average we're talking about here... ?
Despite the Onion's self-silliness, this is funny due to the fact
That it resembles something that many people do experience,
Nonconsecutiveness notwithstanding.
Come on, folks, feel what you're feeling, be who you are,
But for the sake of all, let's see about raising those
Numbers up a bit over time, ya?We're always at the fork in the road;
Always deciding which tributary to follow
To the source
Of joy. OR.....
Maybe it's funny because of its complete divergence
From reality.
Suppose that's possible too!
And in that case:
Let's STILL see about raising those numbers up
A bit over time, ya?